You’ll Snort Your Almond Latte When You Hear These Hilarious Vegan Jokes


Jan. 2 2024, Published 4:45 p.m. ET

Group of friends laughing and enjoying a vegan meal together
Source: iStock

Being vegan isn't for the fainthearted. You have to get up at half past dark to milk the almonds, eat lentils at least twice a day (or risk having your membership revoked), wear hemp everything, and constantly come up with creative ways to use up aquafaba. It's exhausting.

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As a longtime vegan myself (there, I told you), I've found that the one thing this lifestyle needs above all else (even tofu) is a good dollop of levity. The best way to achieve that? Don't take yourself too seriously, and arm yourself with a decent cache of vegan jokes.

I scoured the interwebs, trawled Reddit, and even swung by Tumblr (gasp) to find the really good ones. Grab a kombucha and some kale chips (with extra nooch if you’re feeling it), and get ready to laugh your plant-based buns off.

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Three friends sitting together on a gym break and lauging
Source: iStock

How many vegans does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to change it and one to check for animal ingredients. (Submitted by @nice_whitelady via Reddit)

Why did you go vegan? Was it because of seitan?! (Submitted by @Klutzy_Speech_6460 via Reddit)

How many vegans does it take to make a mushroom soup? Only a few because there isn’t mushroom in the kitchen. (Scary Mommy)

Why did the vegan get fired? His job performance didn’t meat expectations. (Vegan Jokes)

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What do you call it when one chickpea murders another? Hummus-cide. (Wild Hearted)

What is the difference between a vegan and a computer programmer? One is disgusted by a rack of lamb, the other is disgusted by a lack of RAM. (Keep Laughing Forever)

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What do you get if you divide the circumference of an apple by its diameter? Apple pi! (Nourish You)

How many carnivores are needed to change a lightbulb? Zero. They prefer to stay in the dark. (Vegan Food Lover)

Vegans are not buried. They are composted. (Care Elite)

How do you know aliens are not vegan? Because they haven't contacted us to say it. (Up Joke)

What’s the first rule of vegan club? You tell everyone about vegan club. (Humor Nama)

What do you call a Viking who turns vegan? Norvegan. (Kidadl)

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What are turkeys most thankful for during the holidays? Vegans. (Plant Based News)

What do you call a vegan post-punk band? Soy Division. (Laff Gaff)

What's the hardest thing about being a vegan that CrossFits? Trying to decide which one to tell people about first. (Joko Jokes)

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Mention protein again and I’ll lose my tempeh. (Yoga Jala)

I’ve come to the realization that tofu is overrated. It’s just a curd to me. (Vegan Food & Living)

What's a vegan's favorite type of exercise? Kale-isthenics! (Angela Horn)

What do you call a vegan dinosaur? Herbasaurus! (Angela Horn)

Co-workers sharing. a pizza for lunch and laughing
Source: iStock

There you have it, a bunch of cashew cheesy jokes for your enjoyment. Some will make you snigger, and others will make you snort your matcha latte. Hopefully, all of them will make you smile.

Yes, they’re corny, but hey, we all need a little corniness in our lives! Remember, laughter is the best seasoning for any meal, whether it's tofu, tempeh, or corn on the cob.

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