NASA Engineer Creates Obstacle Course to Deter Squirrels in His Yard — but Things Take a Wild Turn

Never underestimate the power of, err, squirrels. Mark Rober learned this lesson the hard way. Rober, a former NASA engineer, Apple engineer, and toymaker, had skilfully learned to deal with human porch pirates by glitterbombing. But then came an obnoxious family of four squirrels – Rick, Marty, Frank, and Phat Gus, each with its own specialty. Hungry for nuts, these squirrels drove him nuts. Day by day, he noticed, these squirrels casually pillaged his bird feeder and grabbed the nuts he placed there for his bird guests. As days went by, his anger turned into a full-blown frustration. When the weight of his sheer powerlessness was too much of a burden, he got up, determined to do something about these devious squirrels.

In 2020, during the COVID-19 pandemic, Rober built a nine-part “Ninja warrior obstacle course” for these nut-stealing squirrels, Mission Impossible style. If they wanted to have those walnuts, they must cross these nine obstacles or give up on their desire. But alas, Rober was no match for the gang of these four unrelenting thieves who depicted an unflinching prowess by successfully cracking each obstacle of the course with their intricate planning, monstrous willpower, and articulate tail-flicking communication skills. The walnuts were theirs, as he showcased in a YouTube video.

“This is a bird feeder, and everything you see surrounding me in my yard is an attempt to protect it from four thieving squirrels. If they want the birdseed and the lifetime supply of walnuts in this bank vault, they'll first need to pass through my nine-part obstacle course,” Rober said in the video while displaying a tawny-colored, hut-shaped nut box marked with the sign “Fort Knuts.” To lure the squirrels into the obstacle course, the box was strategically attached beneath the feeder. If the squirrels succeeded in decoding the obstacles and finishing the game, they would get a lifetime supply of walnuts. The only gateway to enter the course was a pole mounted on the grass at a distance from Fort Knuts. Other poles were equipped with slinkies and countermeasures.

Rober and his buddy John spent weeks constructing this labyrinthine maze with its elaborate trap doors, rope bridges, ladder bridges, laser mazes, spring-enclosed tunnelled vents, and elaborate catapults that would typically scare away timid or lesser-motivated human robbers. But this family of squirrels was no small potato. They knew their goal was snatching the prized walnuts, and they would leave no stone unturned to achieve the target. Phat Gus was the mastermind of the entire operation. When Rober saw her for the first time, he realized that she had nipples and she was pregnant.

Rick was the grease man, the “gutsy one.” Marty, the hacker, specialized in hacking and cracking bank safes. But while he was quite smart, he seemed to be scared too easily. Frank dealt with the department of logistics. “He's got the whole course memorized and he's mapped it out and provided blueprints for the team,” Rober said, introducing the rodent. The course was humbly provisioned with a casino-style squirrel house where the thieves could rest and relax if they felt too exhausted to continue. They could also give up on the operation mid-way by exiting through the one-way “Squirrel Emergency Exit.” But the family didn't give up. 

Rick took a long leap across the yard to reach a walnut crate dangling at the center. Despite its daredevil acrobatics, he failed, plummeting down onto the grassy floor. Next came Frank. Instead of repeating Rick’s mistake, he crawled down the rope but was halted by a spinning helicopter toy. Marty took lessons from his fellows and acted smartly. He ran too fast and pounced right into the mouth of the crate. Rick replicated his strategy. Once the crate started sliding on the rope, the squirrel was moving closer and closer to Fort Knuts. The next obstacle was the “Wall of Moving Bricks.” Like Dave in the famous video game, Marty hopped from one brick to the other, ultimately arriving at the entrance of Fort Knuts.

All the while, Phat Gus sat there, witnessing her fellows and coaching them on the best strategy to reach the walnut vault. The squirrels successfully crossed the springy vents, cracked the laser safe, passed through the computerized glass chambers, and ultimately arrived at the target, the Fort Knuts. Phat Gus was the first one to step on the fort’s gateway, pull it open, and watch a bounty of walnuts clatter and spill on the floor. Phat Gus and her gang were way too smart for this feeder obstacle course. Not every squirrel in your yard may be that smart, which means you can set up your own obstacle course. But always keep in mind, never underestimate squirrels.